Posts Tagged ‘Substance dependence’

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As parents we want nothing more on earth than our children to grow and have fulfilling lives. As older parents of adult children we should die before our children but obviously it’s not always so. I’m not superwoman, I am not a perfect  mother. My children were brought up by only myself in our own home in a small rural town where everyone knew each other. There was no big drug problems back then nor was there much crime rate nay for normal teenage pranks and growing pains.

Fast forward to recent. I am well aware bringing home a drug addict and choices I have made have not always been right ones. I am an enabler clearly, both son and I know this. Sitting in front of us now is darkness and scary. Son is becoming too ill and knows it’s near time for our ill acted wait and see to end. We will go to the hospital sooner than later, likely by sunrise and he and I will be terrified together. Nobody lives forever, the cat and mouse game of needle in skin you will always lose.

Maybe if there is a God son will be spared one more time.

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The addict in my home struggles daily with me for control, ironicly neither of us has it to win over. Bringing my grown child back into the home was the only way I knew at that moment to save his life. I had faith that “God” and doctors would help with the rest. I don’t believe in God much these days. The situation at home now has taken a twisted turn of events leaving myself to blame.

How to gage the fact a drug addict is in real pain from a diseased liver and other physical ailments is as easy as counting every star in the sky. When a person goes for treatment in any hospital or doctor office he now has a stigma attached to him because of the “Hepatitis” and not one doctor will treat that person for real pain. The result of trying to get well “the right way” is a recovering addict will go back to the street to treat himself and the merry go round continues it’s sick ride. If nothing I just said makes sense it’s okay, it’s how days here are now as the struggle continues.

I wrote to Intervention, the show, and included a video that wasn’t pretty. My day to fill my pain scrips is upcoming in a couple days for my newly diagnosed cancer and I bet I won’t see one tablet.

 

 

It’s an uphill battle. Not long after my last post my med’s went missing again. Son’s doctor isn’t helping by prescribing small amounts of Oxy’s for Kidney stone pain. The 1st scrip was 30 5m pills and son used them in 2 days. Days later the doc gave him 40 more of the same strength which were also gone in 2 days. When he is out of drugs he also gets crazy irrational and won’t take his mental health med’s so we all suffer his fury.

As of this morning I am stumped what to do but secretly I am glad he has nothing left to abuse his body with. Today marks day 3 of not having to run to the local emergency room for either his swollen liver or more medication. The drug addict son has been screaming he wants to go back where he came from which of course was a horrible place yet easy access to drugs. His liver levels are still elevated but better the doc told us. His next visit to the doc will not be until February, not knowing the area or anyone down here I am sure he will do and say anything to get BACK to where he came which is out of state, but I can be just as nasty ass as he can in return and once again he is now taking a med to suffer less in cravings.

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