Posts Tagged ‘Substance Abuse’

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The mountain was moved, not all at once of course, but it moved. It’s been awhile since posting. The gap wasn’t from forgetfulness or neglect. It’s been due to work. Work in every aspect of healing.

Son is sober and has been so for awhile. It’s been nearly one year since he received his prognosis of 15 months to two years. He looks better. His mood is better. He has gained 30 pounds since last Christmas when we brought him home from the hospital.

Recent tests show his liver levels are better but it changes on a dime as his body is still healing and trying to recover from 8 years of neglect and drug abuse. Just two Ibuprofen for a headache throws him into fits of nausea, vomiting and liver pain. His Hep C is active.

Have you ever seen a former smoker who is obnoxiously preaching the ills of smoking after quitting? My son does the same regarding drug addiction on and offline, but I smile. The important thing is he’s quit. Anything after is a blessing.

He is still far from being better physically. Baby steps the doctor calls it. Son’s days are rest, eat and more rest. The holidays for us all are a bit happier this season. He will see his younger sister for the first time in three years on Thanksgiving, lord knows when anyone ever saw him sober.

They are about to meet a very different son.

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It has been a crazy last few days. After a horrendous few days to a week son will call me as if nothing has happened and say, “hey momma, what’s up?” It’s as if he is oblivious to the fact he has just created total chaos on the street where he lives and with anyone around him such as us or his brother. I’m not complaining but I am perplexed and concerned. One of these up-down episodes he will end up being murdered the way he strikes out at anyone on the street.

My phone rang two days ago late morning and on the other end was my “real son.” I say it because he was calm, rational and I was able to have a dialect with him. THIS is my son. The rationality is short lived, just a mere number of days but I take it when I can get him that way. We are going to visit him soon and I have been compiling a list of what he needs for his small rented room. He has nothing.

We discuss the basics, he and I. A hot plate, a convection oven, food, dishes, all the things one needs in a new place. He then tells me his therapist had him take a random drug test and she has informed him he will be changed from his present Benzo’ medication to a different one. Later after we have hung up I call his therapist to express my concern about his dramatic highs and lows and also inquire if she would consider putting him on a stabilizer. One thing that’s always been consistent is son allowing me to speak to anyone medical or otherwise with his permission.

The woman is always condescending over the phone, I have a difficult time believing she even wants to help him. Try as he and I have, we cannot seem to get him to see an actual psychiatrist at the clinic he goes to, someone he may have a better sense of communication with. I hope this small reprieve from his demons lasts a few days for both our sakes. This stage is called “Back To Earth,” aptly so because when he phones me I have always teased him by saying “welcome back to the planet.” One day at a time.

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Jesus Hates Zombies

Today brought a phone call I was happy to be on the other end of. My son has made it through his 8th day of “drying out” and (knock wood) feels much better this morning. Two of his worst days we resorted to Methadone in the beginning. He has eaten, had his 1st shower in a week and his physical illness of getting the poison out of his body have subsided, at least for the last 12 hours. 8 days he has felt real emotion for the first time in months this time.

A hard core Heroin addict obviously takes longer but my son luckily hadn’t made it that far. He used but was using a combination of drugs and in the last 12 months had begun shooting up when he could get it. An addict is an addict however and I’m hoping by removing from the area where his supplies were easily had to the middle of nowhere this will somehow work to save his life.

He feels better, his mood is guarded but better, the last week have been hell on he and I with me on the phone supporting him 7-9 calls a day while his monster screamed at me from inside and made him want to die. The phone is his life line to me and to staying alive and together, sometimes we stay connected all day we have gotten him this far.

Please if there is a God let it last this time. It’s wonderful to hear my “son” on the other end of the telephone and not the monster inside in control. He wants to be straight so bad. I’ll continue from yesterday after this post but had to log this happy moment for he and I. He is out of state 1.5 hours away with his last friend in the world, also a long recovering addict and today is a giant step for him.

Everyone in his family has given up on him. The don’t call him nor answer his calls and I understand why but he needs to know someone loves him, he is still there inside and I know it, I’m his mom. I will not give up on him. Being screamed at on the phone all hours of a day and night are worth keeping my child alive.

Let this last until we get him into the state health care system..please.

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