Posts Tagged ‘son’

My son moved out the end of June.

I would have loved for it to be a jovial send off but it was amidst confrontation, hours of yelling, and the fallout was near disaster for us financially. In a fit of anger and frustration late one afternoon my son began verbally attacking his stepfather ending with my getting between them while son packed his belongings and asked me to take him to the train.

We sat there in my car once at the station, my mind racing as fast as his angry words were spewing from his mouth. I don’t condone such behavior but we had long past gotten to this point in his recovery and claiming his life back had been long overdue. Things at home had gotten so bad my husband and myself were being affected physically from the stress. Son had no friends here and now sober, had none in the city he was returning to. It made sense for him to “go home” because his father, grandparents, a brother and extended family were in the area though not in contact. He knew the area well.

The problem with him jumping on a train impulsively was he had nowhere to stay so I gave him what funds I could to ride the train back and get a motel room. It wasn’t my rewarding bad behavior. It was my trying to keep him from going back to the city homeless shelter full of reasons for him to start using again he came from. The train pulled up shortly after we got there, I handed him money and he was gone after a quick hug and we said “I love you.” I sat there watching the train leave trying to take in all of what had just happened. Wanting my life back, son being sober four years, I should have been happy but I wasn’t. I was scared to death as I drove home alone to my husband to begin our life again if possible.

The next few weeks were financial fallout. The hotel he was staying in wasn’t a good one but it wasn’t cheap. I drove the hour north a few times picking son up and we would look for apartments for him all the while he was looking for work. I was a helicopter mom during that time making sure he had what he needed to stay on track. His motel stay became two weeks, then three  and they charged our card nightly instead of weekly refusing to refund any of it with my calling their head office daily to fix the mistake, good old Motel 6.

Job offers came soon after he arrived back in the area, not soon enough to help pay housing but he is now employed full time and renting a room in a multi tenant apartment. Not ideal but he’s got a start again, it’s up to him to choose from there. His mental health and Hepatitis C still need to be addressed but it’s a new beginning.

It feels like we have been in Noah’s Ark in a raging sea of drug addiction for years.

 

Advertisements

20110630-125257.jpg

Sadly son’s battle rages on in will and deteriorating health. The Hep C strain he has succumbed to is eating his liver alive. The good is the doctor we went to told us son’s strain is curable. The bad is he is very much in denial, real pain and the doctor will not treat anything but his Hep, he flatly told us he does not believe in the other diagnosis which are also causing him great physical pain. Pain meds for an addict is a hard, nearly impossible call. To throw a person into Interfuron chemotherapy with no pain relief is horrible. His 3 bad spine discs alone keep him from sleeping, Interfuron patients have a high mortality rate for suicide this doctor warned us.

Checkmate.

Crazy Like Us

It’s been some time since posting and I have much to write. Things are not good. I had lost my info to come back here and found it by accident this morning, thank goodness.  Maybe it was fate. Understand that I have to keep myself and any identifying information of my son out of my posts. I have no choice. I began this blog of sorts to log events as they come and also in hopes that this will help me cope somehow without becoming insane. If our experience somehow helps another even better. Now I will make a cup of coffee and begin where I left off.

Jesus Hates Zombies

Today brought a phone call I was happy to be on the other end of. My son has made it through his 8th day of “drying out” and (knock wood) feels much better this morning. Two of his worst days we resorted to Methadone in the beginning. He has eaten, had his 1st shower in a week and his physical illness of getting the poison out of his body have subsided, at least for the last 12 hours. 8 days he has felt real emotion for the first time in months this time.

A hard core Heroin addict obviously takes longer but my son luckily hadn’t made it that far. He used but was using a combination of drugs and in the last 12 months had begun shooting up when he could get it. An addict is an addict however and I’m hoping by removing from the area where his supplies were easily had to the middle of nowhere this will somehow work to save his life.

He feels better, his mood is guarded but better, the last week have been hell on he and I with me on the phone supporting him 7-9 calls a day while his monster screamed at me from inside and made him want to die. The phone is his life line to me and to staying alive and together, sometimes we stay connected all day we have gotten him this far.

Please if there is a God let it last this time. It’s wonderful to hear my “son” on the other end of the telephone and not the monster inside in control. He wants to be straight so bad. I’ll continue from yesterday after this post but had to log this happy moment for he and I. He is out of state 1.5 hours away with his last friend in the world, also a long recovering addict and today is a giant step for him.

Everyone in his family has given up on him. The don’t call him nor answer his calls and I understand why but he needs to know someone loves him, he is still there inside and I know it, I’m his mom. I will not give up on him. Being screamed at on the phone all hours of a day and night are worth keeping my child alive.

Let this last until we get him into the state health care system..please.

Enhanced by Zemanta