Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

VieglandSculptureAngryChild

Angry.

Apathetic.

Angry.

A little thankfulness goes a long ways. One thing I did not count on helping with son’s recovery are the 29 year old temper tantrums that leave my hands shaking and my husband’s fists clenched and battling his high blood pressure. We are in a corner with no way to get son out on his own. He screams at us this morning just five minutes out of our bed in a “BOOMING” man voice the hurtful words, calling his stepfather and I unimaginable names. In his frustration he yells that he can’t go out to get a job without my taking him to get paperwork he has lost long ago, a social security card, and his license will run out in two months.  This is a recovering drug addict who has refused to leave “his room” more than 20 minutes daily for years, refusing medical or other treatment. Accepting no responsibility.

We are holding him hostage in our small town with him having no car, no money, and no way out. – His words. At some point one needs to learn new coping skills to replace the ones that are now absent. If you have a life threatening condition like “Hep C” you must seek treatment. It’s impossible to force a fully grown man to do so.

Actually it’s the other way around, he is holding us hostage berating us daily. The wheel goes round and round and though we try daily to get him to participate it’s very hard to ignore his tantrums. With my health in steady decline  I have taken up walking and eating better but mentally I’m tired and want mine and my husband’s lives and home back. I raised three children who do nothing but bring me down and think the world revolves around them and appreciate nothing. It’s time for my son to leave and finish this on his own and me get on with my life ambitions before I’m too ill and too old.

I love my kids, I always will but I’m all done with motherhood as of today. I deserve my own life and have done all I can,

your welcome! Bah!