Posts Tagged ‘heroin’

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I am happy to see 2014 end.

I am also happy to report that my son is well, out on his own still sober and working. Not to say re-entering life for him isn’t a challenge, on the contrary, every day is a fight for life and living it. The biggest challenge is learning to feel everything that was stuffed aside by the drugs so many years but he is managing it, some days one minute at a time. Is it scary hell but it IS possible. My message to you still using and anyone involved is never give up hope, never stop trying. So long as your breathing you have all the chances of getting your life back. I will write more in-depth of an update soon but wanted to offer up this short post as I have had many emails to inquire how son is doing and I welcome anyone to email or comment needing an ear.

My heart goes out to you all.

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Son becoming sober has been 10% us as parents and 90% himself working to get and remain there. It’s been over a year or more now and we have watched his life take on a total change of him finally realizing healthier decisions. Eating, who he associates with, how he feels about himself, how he views and interacts with those around him has changed for the positive. Keep in mind there are also health and mental issues at play. For a long time now he and we have been “stuck”in his recovery process. As his mother I cannot solely put into place the strong support system needed to help him learn new coping skills to not fall back into old ones. Though I have reached out continuously to outside sources none have helped I have gotten no answers. In the years of his drug addiction as in most, his extended family members have faded into the darkness that swallowed him whole out of fear and not knowing what to do.

During son’s childhood he and his brother, 2 years older had always had close ties with their father’s family. Both my son’s lived in the same city as adults during the years of son’s active spiral of self destruction but seeing this, family were unwilling to offer help except for his older brother. I believe to this day that the my older son kept his brother from certain death. Since younger son’s journey living home fighting to get his life back he has always pined to have his father and older brother back into his life. He will never tell them, but they are who he loves and respects most and has mourned losing due to his own actions.

Imagine my delight when after many years son picked up his phone just before Easter, calling his “dad” and talking over an hour, answering his father’s questions, telling him how sorry he was for his actions as an active addict yet thanking his father for still being there. Next he phoned his estranged older brother followed in days by taking the train to see him for the first time in 2 years. I heard the visit went well and have noticed rekindling those bonds has changed him profoundly, giving him hope and strength as he moves forward again. I want nothing less than to have both of my sons together in our life, it’s been too long since we have all been family.

After years beginning his journey a new door opened.

Let me clarify that this is not my son, I’m sorry if it was assumed. This video is an acquaintance online. Bless him & family.


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It’s winter doldrum time. My 28 year old son has been sober now awhile but thats all. He eats, sleeps, stays in his room 24-7 coming out only when we go to bed. He’s depressed and all I can do is suggest to him what to do.

He’s filled the hole in himself drugs no longer fill with distorted thoughts and negativity. All reason has gone out the window. In the meantime we had to fly home to husband’s country when he lost a parent. I have a depressed husband and son now under one roof and they hate each other.

Not a great update. Son has no income and no car and his 2nd try at disability was rejected. His HepC isn’t active now but his negativity is just as bad.

Getting clean is only 1/3 of the battle. Now somehow he needs to pick himself up and get participating in life before his stepfather throws him out.

The extreme cold dark winter weather isn’t helping. Son is on no medications by choice, good meds included. I don’t know what happens with his HepC because he isn’t seeing doctors of any kind.

To you people considering having children, that they will grow up and you’ll get some part of an adult life back, think long and hard. I’m nearly 52 with my own plans that haven’t been realized and Now I feel overwhelmed and trapped.

This is the year my husband and I are supposed to move overseas as in our plans for retirement. I don’t know how that can happen if son doesn’t help himself! Since returning from abroad 2 months ago we laid down rules and informed my son we will be leaving come June. It’s so frustrating!

Tonight I discovered my son has been shooting up prescribed medication for myself in our bathroom, cooker, syringes, I found all of it. After a sleepless night of going through many emotions and my house I got angry and fed up.

Edit, The next morning :

This morning he discovered his supplies gone along with any medication kept in my house gone, I moved anything I had for myself out of the house. I told him flatly this morning with no emotion I will take him back to the homeless shelter in the city he is from to die alone because I will be done with it all or he can stay and get help. I will not have my home and marriage ripped apart anymore. I told my husband, his stepfather the same to which he agreed. Does my husband know about him being caught here shooting?, no. It isn’t right to not divulge that to him I agree but I have to do it this way for now.  My plan and son’s was to only give him enough oral medication to keep him from becoming dope sick and against all odds wean him down off the Oxy’s while obtaining medical help for his other problems. Chances are it won’t work, maybe it’s stupid, I just don’t care what anyone thinks and if it doesn’t work so be it I will lose my son completely in all sense of the word. I am resigned now to this fact. With no money to keep him in a detox or a program anywhere there are no other choices for help for him.

I have done my homework, I have lived it myself and this is his last chance to live or die.

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Crazy Like Us

It’s been some time since posting and I have much to write. Things are not good. I had lost my info to come back here and found it by accident this morning, thank goodness.  Maybe it was fate. Understand that I have to keep myself and any identifying information of my son out of my posts. I have no choice. I began this blog of sorts to log events as they come and also in hopes that this will help me cope somehow without becoming insane. If our experience somehow helps another even better. Now I will make a cup of coffee and begin where I left off.

Jesus Hates Zombies

Today brought a phone call I was happy to be on the other end of. My son has made it through his 8th day of “drying out” and (knock wood) feels much better this morning. Two of his worst days we resorted to Methadone in the beginning. He has eaten, had his 1st shower in a week and his physical illness of getting the poison out of his body have subsided, at least for the last 12 hours. 8 days he has felt real emotion for the first time in months this time.

A hard core Heroin addict obviously takes longer but my son luckily hadn’t made it that far. He used but was using a combination of drugs and in the last 12 months had begun shooting up when he could get it. An addict is an addict however and I’m hoping by removing from the area where his supplies were easily had to the middle of nowhere this will somehow work to save his life.

He feels better, his mood is guarded but better, the last week have been hell on he and I with me on the phone supporting him 7-9 calls a day while his monster screamed at me from inside and made him want to die. The phone is his life line to me and to staying alive and together, sometimes we stay connected all day we have gotten him this far.

Please if there is a God let it last this time. It’s wonderful to hear my “son” on the other end of the telephone and not the monster inside in control. He wants to be straight so bad. I’ll continue from yesterday after this post but had to log this happy moment for he and I. He is out of state 1.5 hours away with his last friend in the world, also a long recovering addict and today is a giant step for him.

Everyone in his family has given up on him. The don’t call him nor answer his calls and I understand why but he needs to know someone loves him, he is still there inside and I know it, I’m his mom. I will not give up on him. Being screamed at on the phone all hours of a day and night are worth keeping my child alive.

Let this last until we get him into the state health care system..please.

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