Posts Tagged ‘dual diagnosis’

My son moved out the end of June.

I would have loved for it to be a jovial send off but it was amidst confrontation, hours of yelling, and the fallout was near disaster for us financially. In a fit of anger and frustration late one afternoon my son began verbally attacking his stepfather ending with my getting between them while son packed his belongings and asked me to take him to the train.

We sat there in my car once at the station, my mind racing as fast as his angry words were spewing from his mouth. I don’t condone such behavior but we had long past gotten to this point in his recovery and claiming his life back had been long overdue. Things at home had gotten so bad my husband and myself were being affected physically from the stress. Son had no friends here and now sober, had none in the city he was returning to. It made sense for him to “go home” because his father, grandparents, a brother and extended family were in the area though not in contact. He knew the area well.

The problem with him jumping on a train impulsively was he had nowhere to stay so I gave him what funds I could to ride the train back and get a motel room. It wasn’t my rewarding bad behavior. It was my trying to keep him from going back to the city homeless shelter full of reasons for him to start using again he came from. The train pulled up shortly after we got there, I handed him money and he was gone after a quick hug and we said “I love you.” I sat there watching the train leave trying to take in all of what had just happened. Wanting my life back, son being sober four years, I should have been happy but I wasn’t. I was scared to death as I drove home alone to my husband to begin our life again if possible.

The next few weeks were financial fallout. The hotel he was staying in wasn’t a good one but it wasn’t cheap. I drove the hour north a few times picking son up and we would look for apartments for him all the while he was looking for work. I was a helicopter mom during that time making sure he had what he needed to stay on track. His motel stay became two weeks, then three  and they charged our card nightly instead of weekly refusing to refund any of it with my calling their head office daily to fix the mistake, good old Motel 6.

Job offers came soon after he arrived back in the area, not soon enough to help pay housing but he is now employed full time and renting a room in a multi tenant apartment. Not ideal but he’s got a start again, it’s up to him to choose from there. His mental health and Hepatitis C still need to be addressed but it’s a new beginning.

It feels like we have been in Noah’s Ark in a raging sea of drug addiction for years.


Mental Hospital. Silence of reason.

Two weeks ago a  friend of my son’s was assaulted near his building and died, he was 24.

It’s now June 2010, my son is still alive but high risk. There is no way to describe what a  mother thinks or feels watching her son self destruct. What shocks me is that nobody cares anywhere. I grew up into my thirties and raised my children in our own home in rural Maine, when I left the state and my home spreading my wings elsewhere with my new husband I realized my children and myself had been living in a bubble. Human‘s “want” to do good and care but in reality it’s only an idea and rarely acted on.

The last 13 hours my 25 year old son has been walking around the main streets of the city he lives in irrational, crying out in anger and physical pain for help and he is avoided at all costs by people and police unless he hurts someone or himself. Someone broke into his rented room at 5 am this morning, assaulted him and robbed him of his prescribed medications he had just picked up 2 days before and the someone was a person off the street he knew.

A call from him then me to the emergency psychiatric services got both of us nowhere. He walked himself to the hospital emergency room 7 blocks away with my egging him on in support the whole trip on mobile phones and that resulted in him being given no help and being told to leave because he is in a combative mood. My son has state run health insurance coverage, it’s a half step up from being piss poor and having none and doctors aren’t required to accept it.

My son has a dual diagnosis, triple if that’s got a name. He is mentally ill, drug addicted and has a newly discovered  life threatening condition with his heart due to the drugs and  lack of caring for his body.  All I can do from my end here one state away is what I am always doing, emailing and phoning trying to get him into treatment anywhere and find funding for it.

I have sent him small amounts of money then stopped, had people bring him canned food and that stopped. On his walk home from the hospital he kicked in a window in a basement. When he’s like this I have to just shut off my phone and I hate it.

I call this stage of my sons tirades the crash & burning and God knows how long it will last.

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