Posts Tagged ‘cancer’

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Medical Marijuana.”

For myself the two words bring up an image of the 1970’s I grew up in sitting around smoking a “joint” with friends as a teenager. I never thought I would live to see marijuana used for medication. I never even considered the thought. In my 50’s in my own experience of medical treatment and pain management I would have to weigh the pro’s and con’s to use it or not for anything more than recreation. No, I don’t use it and haven’t in decades. Back when I and friends used “pot” it did two things, made us sleep and eat. In the last couple years of it being medically legalized I have seen Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, or “PTSD” treated with  every drug available. If anything the side effects of the medications were worse than what they were treating, causing son to become so agitated he would need a drug for the drug. Insert here the fact his ailing liver with HepC is filtering all of it when it shouldn’t be anywhere near it.

Son’s underlying mental illness is exacerbated by the severe PTSD he has. In one full blown “flashback” he is a 125 pound 5’8″ yelling  terrified wrecking ball for which only marijuana seems to keep in check.  He’s cooked it, he has smoked it, or vaped the elixir. He can eat, becomes social, sleeps nights, and is as normal as he can be using it 3 times a day. The bigger problem is the fact son won’t drive. Years ago he was hit head on by drunk drivers not once but twice and it changed his life forever.

Four years of son’s recovery. Recovery takes the rest of a life and if son doesn’t take charge of his life and leave our apartment this will be the rest of OUR life.

My health isn’t good. My husband’s been hit for the first time in his life with painful arthritis this winter and we both have been revolving door patients at the local hospital due to lack of healthcare nor can we afford “ObamaCare.” Son thankfully has state medical care but refuses to use it not trusting doctors. I have one more clinic visit at the cost of 185$ plus prescriptions and when those run out I don’t know what we will do. My own mental health is kept in check with medication these last 20+ years and without them is no happy ending.

One bit of good news before my 2am signing off here is I quit smoking nearly one year now. My 67 year old mother was a smoker who contracted Metastasized Breast Cancer in 2000, again in 2012. Her second time around she stayed home refusing any more treatment and took her own life in the end. I’m praying hard as I get older it isn’t genetics.

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One week after a visit with a new family doctor for myself she dumped me as a patient after writing me a pain script and a pharmacy phoning her. Because my meds have been stolen so much by son I am now red flagged with the two local pharmacies. Two weeks ago I got my monthly meds filled and my Oxy script went missing though we hid them. Yes I know it’s partly my fault for enabling him. I just didn’t want him suffering or dying in the street like he was.

My once a day morphine was untouched only because it has been on me everywhere I go, in my pockets and even in my bra when I sleep. The pain in my spine from the tumor is bad enough to cause me to consider walking in front of the train. Without pain meds it is a reality. It’s gone crazy with son here and he needs to find somewhere else to live. I feel like a failure but he needs to do his part which he will not. Maybe now that I cannot get subscribed Oxy he will leave. He doesn’t know I am taking morphine thank God. I tell him daily to phone a doctor to get his own meds if he is really in pain but he does nothing but stay in his room now coming out only to relieve himself and give me dirty looks. He is “sick” now and dangerous. I’ve stayed upmost nights afraid to sleep. I have 3 calls waiting to be returned from low income mental health resources for him and myself.

I’m trying, I really am God.