Archive for the ‘Heroin’ Category

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I am happy to see 2014 end.

I am also happy to report that my son is well, out on his own still sober and working. Not to say re-entering life for him isn’t a challenge, on the contrary, every day is a fight for life and living it. The biggest challenge is learning to feel everything that was stuffed aside by the drugs so many years but he is managing it, some days one minute at a time. Is it scary hell but it IS possible. My message to you still using and anyone involved is never give up hope, never stop trying. So long as your breathing you have all the chances of getting your life back. I will write more in-depth of an update soon but wanted to offer up this short post as I have had many emails to inquire how son is doing and I welcome anyone to email or comment needing an ear.

My heart goes out to you all.

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My son moved out the end of June.

I would have loved for it to be a jovial send off but it was amidst confrontation, hours of yelling, and the fallout was near disaster for us financially. In a fit of anger and frustration late one afternoon my son began verbally attacking his stepfather ending with my getting between them while son packed his belongings and asked me to take him to the train.

We sat there in my car once at the station, my mind racing as fast as his angry words were spewing from his mouth. I don’t condone such behavior but we had long past gotten to this point in his recovery and claiming his life back had been long overdue. Things at home had gotten so bad my husband and myself were being affected physically from the stress. Son had no friends here and now sober, had none in the city he was returning to. It made sense for him to “go home” because his father, grandparents, a brother and extended family were in the area though not in contact. He knew the area well.

The problem with him jumping on a train impulsively was he had nowhere to stay so I gave him what funds I could to ride the train back and get a motel room. It wasn’t my rewarding bad behavior. It was my trying to keep him from going back to the city homeless shelter full of reasons for him to start using again he came from. The train pulled up shortly after we got there, I handed him money and he was gone after a quick hug and we said “I love you.” I sat there watching the train leave trying to take in all of what had just happened. Wanting my life back, son being sober four years, I should have been happy but I wasn’t. I was scared to death as I drove home alone to my husband to begin our life again if possible.

The next few weeks were financial fallout. The hotel he was staying in wasn’t a good one but it wasn’t cheap. I drove the hour north a few times picking son up and we would look for apartments for him all the while he was looking for work. I was a helicopter mom during that time making sure he had what he needed to stay on track. His motel stay became two weeks, then three  and they charged our card nightly instead of weekly refusing to refund any of it with my calling their head office daily to fix the mistake, good old Motel 6.

Job offers came soon after he arrived back in the area, not soon enough to help pay housing but he is now employed full time and renting a room in a multi tenant apartment. Not ideal but he’s got a start again, it’s up to him to choose from there. His mental health and Hepatitis C still need to be addressed but it’s a new beginning.

It feels like we have been in Noah’s Ark in a raging sea of drug addiction for years.

 

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Son becoming sober has been 10% us as parents and 90% himself working to get and remain there. It’s been over a year or more now and we have watched his life take on a total change of him finally realizing healthier decisions. Eating, who he associates with, how he feels about himself, how he views and interacts with those around him has changed for the positive. Keep in mind there are also health and mental issues at play. For a long time now he and we have been “stuck”in his recovery process. As his mother I cannot solely put into place the strong support system needed to help him learn new coping skills to not fall back into old ones. Though I have reached out continuously to outside sources none have helped I have gotten no answers. In the years of his drug addiction as in most, his extended family members have faded into the darkness that swallowed him whole out of fear and not knowing what to do.

During son’s childhood he and his brother, 2 years older had always had close ties with their father’s family. Both my son’s lived in the same city as adults during the years of son’s active spiral of self destruction but seeing this, family were unwilling to offer help except for his older brother. I believe to this day that the my older son kept his brother from certain death. Since younger son’s journey living home fighting to get his life back he has always pined to have his father and older brother back into his life. He will never tell them, but they are who he loves and respects most and has mourned losing due to his own actions.

Imagine my delight when after many years son picked up his phone just before Easter, calling his “dad” and talking over an hour, answering his father’s questions, telling him how sorry he was for his actions as an active addict yet thanking his father for still being there. Next he phoned his estranged older brother followed in days by taking the train to see him for the first time in 2 years. I heard the visit went well and have noticed rekindling those bonds has changed him profoundly, giving him hope and strength as he moves forward again. I want nothing less than to have both of my sons together in our life, it’s been too long since we have all been family.

After years beginning his journey a new door opened.

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It’s an english tea cup from a set we purchased in our travels years prior. Not replaceable yes. It’s an inanimate object not worth raising blood pressure over yet Mount St. Mom is about to go off with 30 years of compressed anger. I’m human and dangerously at my breaking point. I have gotten through my life with the wonderful gift of finding the humor in situations most cannot and will continue.