3 days ago I rented a car and made the drive out of state to retrieve my son and brought him home. I have no expectations and though advice given to us said to leave him to his own devices, my maternal instinct overtook my reason. I couldn’t leave him to die so ill. The scene I arrived on was absolute squalor, darkness and amongst the trash and garbage piled high wall to wall in the rented room was a shadow of an unshaved, unkept 25 year old man child. Fighting back tears I remained tight lipped and matter of fact and collected my son and very few of his left possessions. The building wreaked of sweat, human sewerage, rotted garbage and everywhere there was old drug paraphernalia in and outside son’s room. Packing his belongings to leave was fast and efficient, within 2 hours with his help the rental car was loaded up and with a few interruptions from the derelict inhabitants yelling at me  we left for good. In my head we were racing away from son’s previous 9 years of hell to mine & husbands home out of state and into the unknown. No it wasn’t the best answer and my husband, his step dad and I have spent the last week arguing about my having son home. The last time he lived with us he was 18,  when he had in a drug withdrawal rage welded a baseball bat in the air at his stepfather which landed son, rightly so, in jail for 30 days. I put him there.

Prior to now I made some phone calls to find what help and support son could get just over the border where his state medical care would be paid. Here I found a detox facility that only offered a 5 day in house program with aftercare support, in the same hospital is a medical clinic and mental health, both very limited. All of these are pretty much useless because of the short length of services. I asked why such short time spans and was answered with the explanation that it was state and federal government budget cuts. If we want any treatment elsewhere in my home state I need to apply son for medicaid right away and wait weeks for his approval letter. The difficult part once approved is a large majority of providers will not accept individuals with such insurance. I spoke with son’s former doctor who had treated him before kicking him aside when the state stopped payments to clarify his medical condition. I was told son is suffering from Severe Hepatitis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and also Epstein-Barr virus. Not adding his severe mental health issues, I feel overwhelmed.

He has been awake 2 hours, had too much of his Oxycodone and is asking to go to the hospital E.R., a favorite fast fix for him to get valium when he runs out of what his doctor gives him. My medications are all hidden and I am still calling rehabs to try to find inpatient help to no avail. I even wrote twice the last 12 months to “Intervention.”

For a moment he is safe, Merry Christmas.

 

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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