Fargo, ND, March 27, 2009 -- The Salvation Arm...

Staying sober is not just in the mind. There are those of you that think so and it is incorrect.  My son is still sober and taking his medication. Each day is not always a good one but with the added oomph from his Celexa he has more ability to cope and think before reacting. I was telling my sister over the phone how profound son’s change has been and she too was taken back. Son still has a very long life ahead being he is just 25.  His illness and a bad divorce from his father took his childhood away at a very young age. By age 10 he was essentially a grownup, or thought he was and a darned angry one.

You see, most in the family, school and anyone else involved blamed the breakdown of mine and his dad’s marriage and resulting emotional fallout. Divorce is never pretty agreed upon or not and nearly always the children no matter how young or old often blame themselves.  My son was only 8 and most certainly a daddy’s boy back then. The breakup exacerbated his symptoms.

Because he has been stuck in one place all of his years and been mentally ill he was still living and feeling as if he was in the moment of the divorce. Abandonment, anger, fear, it’s all been front and center the past 25 years for him.  My not coping back then with the situation overtook me for some time and I would often need a doctor’s care to get through days, that also pulled myself away from son so he was bounced back and forth between his new step family and home with mom and siblings. That is too much for a little boy to carry around inside.

We have been talking daily now, trying to work out finances to help him through his waiting period for a disability (or SSI) hearing with his attorney, his medications refilled and paid for, clean clothes, food and keeping him self sufficient so he can feel more in control which helps his self esteem grow.  He also now needs needs attention given to his A.D.D, his thoughts are all over the board and it bothers him because he often loses important items and is forgetting a great deal.  Because he is poverty line income he is forced to use the city free clinical system which on a good day is a broken one.  He has only been able to see his “psyc worker” once in three weeks to a month. The system is so overtaxed often he must wait a month or the weather will be so bad he cannot physically walk the 8 blocks with his medical problems.

Between he and I and his brother, that’s the jest of support outside of the clinic. I’m still trying to get him a case worker through a local nonprofit there. The best thing that has happened is he hasn’t given up, he has hope AND is still sober (knock wood).

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