It’s eye watering seeing my son emerging more daily from the darkness. The 4th of July he was literally running in the street that had been closed for the firework crowds.

Running and laughing, enjoying who he was, who was around him and the sparkle in his 25 year old eyes made mine water with joy for him.  Please God, let this part of his life last. He is still taking his antidepressant and it’s as if he is a whole new being and experiencing “good” for the very first time in his life since he was a very young boy.

He has been in torment so long I can’t recall the last age he was that he felt happy, let alone laughed like he is now. I phoned him just before we went to bed a night ago and asked what he was doing, he answered; “playing my guitar Ma, I feel great.”  I told him I was proud of him, I said “son, if you start to feel the familiar darkness creeping back into your day remember these days gone by and how good you feel and how much people in your life are enjoying being with you. THIS is the way your supposed to feel!” He says he sees now how important it is for him to keep on his new med’ regime and I hope he means it.

I won’t take this time for granted but I will enjoy our conversations on the phone. He has been asking me so much and re-remembering parts of his life with me before now. It’s as if he wants to know everything all over again now that he is rational. Hard to believe this was a man who was angrily stomping down the main street of the city he lives in and lashing out at anyone within  verbal reach. People and Police who know him are perplexed, his older brother and friends cannot believe he is the same person. I can’t wait to see he and his brother.

The sun is still shining.

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