The drying out process son threw himself into out of state was successful for a short time. It wasn’t so much he purposely started up using drugs again as much as it was he had no support system when he returned from out of state.  Still without medical insurance he and I found few to no resources to have in place. He had been assigned a case worker through the city who worked for Catholic Charities but the worker had no tolerance for my son’s tirades and dropped him within weeks. I suspect my son plain scared him off because he scares everyone including me.

He was living in a rented room at the local YMCA then but the unfortunate thing is they also housed a majority of lost souls, ex cons that had been let out of jail, transients, drug dealers and the likes. Where he was living was so scary my oldest son didn’t like to go see his brother there. My son was assaulted several times either in his sleep or in the daytime just coming and going while there, we only recently got him a room in another part of the city in a secure building of sorts.

Between the living situation and lack of support the bottom dropped out for him and he was suicidal and scared. No medication to stabilize him mentally soon lead to ongoing panic attacks. The latter half of his second week having been on the phone with me hourly he finally agreed to go to the emergency room and asked to be voluntarily put in the local mental health hospital, that was the first time in a year I went to bed and got a full nights sleep without worry.

At the hospital (which he had been an inpatient of as a child also) he was medicated as is standard procedure for new patients with Thorazine. Both he and I spoke with his assigned social worker at length but more so myself. My son has such a long history it’s impossible to explain it over the telephone in 30 minutes to a professional. He hadn’t had or agreed to mental health help until this moment in the five years as an adult so his making it this far was a miracle, and I let the staff there know it. The problem came when by day 3 of being medicated only with Thorazine his nicotine urge was in overdrive, he had not seen a psychiatrist yet and had nothing to do.

That morning he called me during a fight or flight attack (panic) to tell me he was leaving the hospital. Because he had checked himself in he could check himself out. Though it is often discouraged, it’s legal. The only way they could make him stay was if he was a danger to others or himself.  Within 1 hour of son calling me a social worker phoned me telling me he was insistent on leaving, she also told me they had no grounds to make him stay.

Why in God‘s name would anyone want to leave a safe environment and go back to the life he was living I will never know, but back he went. No money, no food, nothing. The one thing that he did get in place by the hospital social worker was to go to an appointment with his local mental health clinic which he did the following week.  My son has extreme highs and lows mood wise that also have never been addressed, his 1st clinic visit got him 30 minutes with a psychiatric nurse and ongoing prescriptions of a benzodiazepine he had already been using on the street to calm himself. In essence the nurse became his drug supplier.

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