Mental Hospital. Silence of reason.

Two weeks ago a  friend of my son’s was assaulted near his building and died, he was 24.

It’s now June 2010, my son is still alive but high risk. There is no way to describe what a  mother thinks or feels watching her son self destruct. What shocks me is that nobody cares anywhere. I grew up into my thirties and raised my children in our own home in rural Maine, when I left the state and my home spreading my wings elsewhere with my new husband I realized my children and myself had been living in a bubble. Human‘s “want” to do good and care but in reality it’s only an idea and rarely acted on.

The last 13 hours my 25 year old son has been walking around the main streets of the city he lives in irrational, crying out in anger and physical pain for help and he is avoided at all costs by people and police unless he hurts someone or himself. Someone broke into his rented room at 5 am this morning, assaulted him and robbed him of his prescribed medications he had just picked up 2 days before and the someone was a person off the street he knew.

A call from him then me to the emergency psychiatric services got both of us nowhere. He walked himself to the hospital emergency room 7 blocks away with my egging him on in support the whole trip on mobile phones and that resulted in him being given no help and being told to leave because he is in a combative mood. My son has state run health insurance coverage, it’s a half step up from being piss poor and having none and doctors aren’t required to accept it.

My son has a dual diagnosis, triple if that’s got a name. He is mentally ill, drug addicted and has a newly discovered  life threatening condition with his heart due to the drugs and  lack of caring for his body.  All I can do from my end here one state away is what I am always doing, emailing and phoning trying to get him into treatment anywhere and find funding for it.

I have sent him small amounts of money then stopped, had people bring him canned food and that stopped. On his walk home from the hospital he kicked in a window in a basement. When he’s like this I have to just shut off my phone and I hate it.

I call this stage of my sons tirades the crash & burning and God knows how long it will last.

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